Betrayal is probably the biggest loss a person can experience. In order to be betrayed, a person must first be faithful to the one betraying him. It is impossible to be betrayed if you do not trust that person in the first place. In trusting the other person, we believe he or she will not harm us. When they do, many of the ideas and opinions we once had about them are broken. It is like death. But perhaps more importantly, we also lose our confidence and our ability to see someone who will protect and harm us. This loss of human self-esteem is probably the greatest loss we experience.
Brene Brown talks about how we can build and lose trust. He likens it to a pot of stones. Later, when we find that we can rely on someone else, we put marbles in the pot. If they betray us in some way, we remove some marbles. Relationship life depends on how many marbles are in the jar over time.
Other betrayals happen without warning. This is difficult because it leaves you feeling overwhelmed and depressed. But perhaps the most common type of betrayal is when one of the participants no longer cares enough to put in the time and energy, allowing the slow connection to atrophy, leaving you feeling alone and unloved.
It doesn't have to be this way. There are steps we can take to heal it. Instead of punishing yourself and getting fat on too many details you should have 'seen' before and held on to your 'story' of betrayal, give yourself permission to heal. What can you learn from this traumatic experience? What lessons can you use now to build a happy and better relationship in the future? Listen to your intuition. Ask for behaviors that cause feelings of hurt within you. Pay attention to the warning signs along the way. It is easier if you love someone and give them a chance to doubt even though actions tell you that you are not the one who comes first. It is important to set boundaries. Allow only respectful and loving communication. For women, especially those who identify themselves as givers and nurses, if someone constantly displays hurtful behavior, it is time to step back and reevaluate, because of both.
Know that inside all of us there is an insecure child who is frustrated and in need of treatment. Another good way to start this process is to find those people in your life who you trust and trust. Focus on them and accept their support and love. When you are betrayed it is easy to distrust everyone but this will not help you recover. Give yourself a chance to pick up the pieces and start over. Start by learning to be confident again. Think of all the great decisions you have made. Think of people who have maintained your confidence and are not attached to you. Think of those people who have had their backs and stood by you through thick and thin. Most of us have been fortunate to have one or two participants in this category. Do not punish current partners for the mistakes of the past and will enhance your ability to build strong, happy relationships.
Sometimes the worst betrayal comes from silence. People may think that it is easier to say nothing than to let you know what is really going on. In the words of Martin Luther King; 'There comes a time when peace is a betrayal'. Feelings at such times can be very powerful as we are confused, hurt, and confused. Our emotions are raw and we can do things irrationally. Give yourself time and space to explore the situation and be purposeful.
Accepting the pain inflicted on people you love and trust is a great thing. So first and foremost be kind to yourself. While it is common for you to seek revenge and to seek revenge for the hurt you have suffered, this is of no benefit to anyone. Betrayal is not just about other people but about what is important to you. Do you allow others to keep crossing the border? Did you call them to account when they crossed the line?
When you lose your love and trust, ask yourself, 'Is it worth it?' Because sometimes they don't. You will never be the same after a great betrayal but it is important to note that everyone will someday experience it and probably should hear it. It builds your sympathy for others. At some point, it serves a useful purpose and creates the grist you need to think about your life, what it means and who you want to be.
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